The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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