You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
