i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
