Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
