do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
