It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
