I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
