No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
