East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
