exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
It's just like the Real World with babies
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
