Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize