He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
