There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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