No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
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