Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
