1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
