I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
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