What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
