Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
