Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Randomize
