I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
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