My underwear smells like fireworks.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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