I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
