dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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