I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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