So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
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Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
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my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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