looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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