Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
