I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
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These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
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