Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
