i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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