No awkward lesbian experiences without me
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
