Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
