I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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