I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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