Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
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