The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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