she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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