i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
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According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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