My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
