Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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