she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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