"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
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I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
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Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
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