I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
