you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
