The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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