Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
