i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
