she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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