All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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