thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
