Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Randomize
