Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
