I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
and she was petting her beer can
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
3 2 1 whiskey
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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