well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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