she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
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My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
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She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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