I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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