Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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