What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Randomize
