dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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