I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
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