Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
My penis needs a shock collar
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
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