youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
