last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
