A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
