I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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