About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
