Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize
