Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
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