Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
