He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Randomize
