I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
