More tranny stories later!
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
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