He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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