You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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